Transforming grief into love with Eirinie Carson
The Sunday Bundle: books, films, shows, music, art and reflections
The Sunday Bundle is a list of my best recommendations and reflections from the week! I search for the good stuff and filter out the rest. Soon to be a bonus offering for paid subscribers. If you like what you see, consider upgrading your subscription. The fruit is always fresh.
I was in the bookstore (of course) and while perusing the new fiction table and fondling all the hardbacks, a fellow shopper squealed at me when I picked up the book Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar. She said: “Oh it’s so good! You have to read it. The ending is—wow.” She raised her eyebrows like she was telling me a secret.
“Really?!” I said. “How’s the pacing?” I wondered if this would be a good book club choice in the future.
“Yes, the pacing is great.” She said, and then she wandered off quickly, like she’d said too much and somebody was onto our clandestine meeting.
“Okay, thanks,” I said as she scuttled away.
Then I realized I had a book of poems by the author at home already, Pilgrim Bell, by Kaveh Akbar, and I’d only read a few of them. Now thanks to this event in the book shop, I was inspired to sit with his already published work for a while. Maybe it would lead me back to Martyr! or prepare me for it.
About Pilgrim Bell, Tommy Orange says, “Kaveh Akbar is the sorcerer’s sorcerer.” I’m obsessed with this idea, of a magic wielder spinning words into spells and the people who most long for his work are other magicians, other people who have the heart of a poet, even if they don’t write poetry themselves.
While I didn’t understand every poem in the book, which questions a lot about God and prayer—things I have little experience in—I didn’t feel I needed to. I let the words and imagery and emotions wash over me. Many of the poems evoked images I wanted to think about all day:
"The stillness you prize. Won’t prize you back. Two beefsteaks. Ripening on a windowsill. A purple tray. Piled with coal. Become the many-roomed house. You walk through in dreams. Show me. On the great blue door. Where it hurts."
When you read these poems, you will hear the pilgrim bell tolling.
Fun news! I had two pieces published in
this week. A story, The Husband Knows I’m a Fish, and a sensual poem, Damn, I love you.Here’s a story Tilt by Pat Foran which explores a father’s grief for his son. You might cry.
For my fellow writer nerds and folks obsessed with the power of language, here is Silva Rhetoricae a comprehensive guide to the different kinds of rhetoric we use in English and its history/latin terms. I had no idea rhetoric was this expansive.
An old feature on BBC news about Sylvia Plath’s daughter, named Frieda Hughes: Why I'm becoming a counsellor. Frieda is also an artist and the paintings in today’s newsletter are by her. She (famously) lost her mother, Sylvia Plath, to suicide, but in this article I learned she lost her brother the same way. The way she finds relief through creativity is fitting for today’s overall theme of grief.
“I believe in taking raw materials and propelling ourselves through life with some sort of will and joy, wanting to make things and not wanting to accept our miseries - fighting for the future in a very wonderful way, in a very happy way.
A new feature in Vanity Fair about Frieda Hughes’s memoir George.
Time for Substack newsletters I’ve been loving!
- author of Homebodies. My new dream is to go on a book date with this incredibly present writer!
Between a Rock and a Card Place by
who writes personal essays and tarot card readings. Her complicated essay about her mother passing has moved a lot of people, including me.- is a must-read for book lovers. She takes care to read and curate book offerings from around the world.
- who writes the kind of thorough film and television criticism a gal longs for.
- has a special place in my sensitive heart who’s contemplative writing is sure to awaken your thoughts. Chloé is a modern thinker who plays with her joy and sadness as a means for greater understanding. I can relate!
Working a remote job at home can feel impossible sometimes (especially if you have ADHD). I’ve been spending one day a week working at a cafe instead, and taking a break to write by hand in a notebook to give my eyes a break from the endless screen-time. It’s made a huge difference in my ability to focus and not feel like I’m going crazy cooped up.
Bounce Curl define styling brush in tan: I avoid buying items from social media, full stop, but I took a chance on this brush a few weeks ago, and I’m so happy I wasn’t bamboozled. I’ve been struggling to find a brush that doesn’t pull my hair out. I can only speak to how it works on my hair, which is fine and wavy/curly, but it cuts through knots like butter. Now I know I need a combination style of bristles! (All this time lol) The styling parts of the brush are brilliant too. (They sell out often.)
Tea Coin Tube Mystery Deck by West China Tea: wow stunning and delicious tea pressed into the perfect single serving coin (which I have made multiple cups of tea from.) I don’t know much about tea—or how to make decisions—so the mystery aspect of this curation is delightful. I highly recommend this company for everything tea, the quality is impeccable and the names of the tea are super fun: Ultra-Violet, Cloud Forest, Witches Butter. They also offer classes on the Chinese art of tea service, called gong fu cha, I have my eye on…
This week was reality TV and reruns. I’m weirdly addicted to the food travel series Somebody Feed Phil (Netflix), a new season just came out.
I do recommend rewatching the first Dune (HBO Max) film before seeing the sequel. As a friend of mine said to me this week: “It’s so much better than I first realized. It’s like, actually, really good.” I came to the same conclusion on my couch, once again.
After a couple artsy films I hoped I could recommend failed me this week, I’m left to promote Meg 2 as the highlight of my days, as your media consumer aficionado. I swear-on-my-life, the Meg films are fucking glorious *mischievously laughs.*
Meg 2 opens with a shark so big it flops onto a jurassic-era beach and eats a T-Rex like a Tic-Tac. What more could you ask for out of a film? The Motion Pictures Association says in an article: “There’s a certain center in our brain that seems to demand a single thing; Jason Statham fighting the biggest shark that ever lived.” And I couldn’t agree more.
The album Raven by Kelela, who’s contemporary sound hits me right in the part of my brain that wants to fly to outer space. A little electronic, a little R&B, and a little dance, Kelela’s music carries you into the future. (Spotify, Apple, Youtube)
The podcast, Faking Adulthood, hosted by Rita B out of the UK, with a guest co-host for each episode: “Faking Adulthood is a fun, lighthearted podcast where we dive into adulting chaos, admitting we're clueless whilst having a laugh about it…relatable stories, questionable advice, and an all-around good time.” I love the tongue-in-cheek vibes. (Spotify, Apple, Youtube)
New-to-me artist Frieda Hughes, daughter of the poets Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes.
“Frieda was drawn to Western Australia’s diverse landscape and open wilderness on a visit in 1988 and moved there in 1991. It proved to be a rich source of inspiration, both for her poetry and her paintings, until she returned to England in 1998.”
What kind of art makes you feel permission to grieve? Do you have a go-to song, movie, or book? Tell me about it…
For me, the book is The Dead are Gods by Eirinie Carson (my review). In which, Eirinie writes about the sudden loss of her best friend, Larissa, and their story coming-of-age in Black girlhood together in London, meanwhile arriving onto a scene of influential white spaces: modeling and rock and roll.
This week I got to interview Eirinie about her memoir with a warm and welcoming crowd at the Blk Girls Greenhouse (a Bay Area must-visit!). Eirinie’s thoughtful answers about grief and loss left me feeling contemplative and understood.
Many listeners felt the same way, sharing their own experience with recent losses and asking wonderful questions about the intersections between grief, motherhood, race and the craft of writing.
Where we landed is that at its core, grief is an expression of love.
My new favorite question to ask creative people is: how do you hope people will be transformed when they interact with your work? Eirinie said she hopes her book will help readers reform their biases around drug addiction. She hopes the shame around substance abuse will diminish so we can openly talk about the issue and our friends and family will feel more comfortable to get help when they need it. I think Eirinie is successful in doing that with this book! If you pick up The Dead are Gods, please let me know how it effects you.
I’ve also been thinking about when Eirinie named my style “goth fox” and I can’t get it out of my head. I love it. I feel seen. I think I’m self-actualized, ya’ll. I finally realized I’m never going to be a beige-aesthetic boo like I sometimes envision in my mind. How would you define your style?
A couple chapters into Martyr! It’s heavy but I know it will be worthy
I love all of your recommendations! I also work at home and have been trying to get out of the house but sometimes it’s tough. Thanks for the reminder!